The Office of the Commissioner confirms that the use of the Oxford comma will become mandatory across all former United States territories on Day Minus 2 of the formal transition period.

Officials have emphasised that the measure is not punitive, ideological or in any way excessive. It is simply the minimum requirement of a civilised society.

Negotiations continue regarding the precise sanction for violations. Members of the public are advised not to be overly concerned. At the personal request of King Charles III, the death penalty is now understood to be off the table.

The final punishment is therefore unlikely to exceed life imprisonment.

“Outrages against good punctuation will not be permitted. We do have rules, you know.”

In a related development, the musical organisation known as Vampire Weekend has been formally proscribed pending a full Oxford Comma Compliance Review.

The current members — Ezra Koenig, Chris Baio, and Chris Tomson — are believed to be assisting officials with enquiries, although the Office has declined to confirm whether assistance is being offered voluntarily, grammatically, or under conditions of supervised syntax.

The action follows renewed examination of the group’s work Oxford Comma, whose profane lyrical sentiment is considered by the Commissioner to represent an outrage to public decency, constitutional order and basic list management.

The fact that the alleged offences appear to have been committed in a garden-party environment has not been accepted as mitigation. Officials noted that even terrorists may drink from fine china, and that afternoon refreshments do not excuse incitement to mass grammatical irregularity.

Anyone suspected of supporting Vampire Weekend, including through social media posts approving the anti-comma sentiment of the song, may face serious charges under the forthcoming Punctuation Security Act.

Citizens are reminded that a sentence may contain a monarch, a minister, and a comma. It should not leave anyone in doubt as to which is which.

Further guidance will be issued once officials have completed the first phase of the national comma audit.